You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
