she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
