It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
