I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize