just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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