I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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