Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I need help removing her.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
