Where did you get a picture of my penis
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
