I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
