Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
