All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
