Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize