Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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