I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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