I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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