I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
