at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Acid is not a monday night drug
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
