I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
