i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
