the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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