i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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