I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Randomize
