Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
