You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
