do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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