my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
