After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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