I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
