I accidentally burped into my bong.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
