how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
