Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He did a backflip because drugs
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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