and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
