shes about as inviting as chlamydia
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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