I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
