Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
