i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
it's great music for shaving your balls
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
