I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
