Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
