Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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