I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
