He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
