I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
