i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
where are my eyebrows?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize