i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
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