Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
