I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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