Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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