My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Randomize
