Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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