So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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