I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
