so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
