I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
