Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
