i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
soo... how was my night?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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