I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
