he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm bleeding and have questions
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
