i don't plan on having that self control this summer
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
