You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
