Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
