We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
