you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
