you didnt know i had herpes?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
