Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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