just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
