This dress was meant to end up on your floor
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Houston, we have a blender
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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